I’m saying farewell to my 40s this month. Some people dread turning 50, while others embrace it; I’m opting for the latter. If you didn’t already know, turning 50 allows me free entry to the cool people club!
My forties have been full of ups and downs. I began as a single mom of three finding my footing following a high-conflict divorce. I sought refuge in a 100-year-old home that needed a ton of TLC:
- Foundation pier system (thank you, Pankey Foundation Repair!)
- Added a SECOND sump pump + French drains
- Chimney rebuilt from the roofline up
- New AC unit (thank you, DMC Service!)
- New duct work to get air flow to 2nd floor
- Bat removal/remediation (bat vent installed)
- New fence installed on the CORRECT property line (after survey confirmed suspicion)
- Repaired cracked sewer line in backyard (thank you, DMC Service!)
- Cluttered, creepy crawlspace emptied of previous occupants’ creepier odds & ends
- *This list is not exhaustive!
Suffice it to say that triaging all the contractors along with monitoring the work and progress was more than a full-time job. I jokingly referred to 6029 Alhambra as the “Alimony house” because all (ali) the money (mony) went straight into shoring up the place and restoring the years of neglect by previous owners. My girlfriends joked that it had been built atop an ancient burial ground and the spirits were furious, so they kept throwing things at me that needed fixed. Several friends even came over to sage the house, but I’m not sure it worked. I won’t bore you recounting the nightmarish winter morning when an ancient pipe in our attic access froze and burst, leading to gutting the breakfast room, asbestos abatement, soon followed by mold remediation. My youngest still refers to it as “the time it rained in the house.”
My forties continued with other things I wasn’t prepared for, like a hysterectomy. There was also internet dating, which fortunately led me to my husband, Tom, who is my rock and my biggest cheerleader. He’s my Scrabble partner (my partner in ALL things) and helps me when I’m stuck on Spelling Bee! His special talents include spotting the pangram right away, growing delicious veggies in our backyard, and making a spectacular range of drool-worthy dishes and dinners. If you ever need a trivia partner, he’s your guy– this man not only knows EVERYTHING, he remembers it all, too! He is wicked smart and a wonderful dad and stepdad to our kiddos.
My forties also brought me the best bonus kids ever, who continue to go to great lengths to be awesome siblings to my youngest. They love and embrace her, they include her, and they’re endlessly supportive despite the age difference. She looks up to them so much, and I’m forever grateful for these two incredible role models.
My forties brought me (us) a tripod dog from KC Pet Project who has NO CLUE she’s missing a leg. Pssssst… #AdoptDontShop! This photo was taken by the talented Trish Elting, who chose to feature Loki in her book benefitting KC Pet Project, For the Love of Dog.
My forties also brought me to my knees. I lost my twin daughters when COVID hit in 2019. Tom, his kids, and Piper have stuck by me and supported me through my grief (which, by the way, isn’t linear and still shows up when I wish it wouldn’t and detracts from other big events and important things in our lives).
In Matt Haig’s book The Life Impossible, the protagonist, Grace, sees someone wearing an Eras Tour shirt and it sparks some deep thoughts which resonate:
“The word ‘eras’ entered my mind and didn’t leave. I thought about how you enter a new one. Not just by stepping back through rows of headstones in a cemetery but in your own living existence. How you need to create a distinct break with what has gone before. In geology it is often after an extinction, isn’t it? The Mesozoic Era ended with the mass death of the dinosaurs after a meteor. I wondered if I was starting a new era or if I was taking too much with me. This is the challenge of life, isn’t it? Moving forward without annihilating what has gone before. Knowing what to clasp onto and what to release without destroying yourself. Trying not to be the meteor and the dinosaur at once.“
Embarking upon a new era feels like a fresh start, a gift. For me, it will be the gift of releasing, of letting go, moving forward, and resurfacing. I began setting the stage for this new era when I enrolled in the MAT program at Pitt State at the age of 46. Now I’m about to begin my third year of teaching 4th grade! I love working with kids. I’ve always enjoyed children and learning new things together. Teaching helps heal a part of my heart that still hurts, although I wish it wouldn’t.
This was a long way of saying that I’m ready to turn 50 and continue building and investing in the things that matter most: my husband/our marriage, the family we’ve created together, my youngest, my teaching career, and myself.
Fifty, I’m ready. Let it rip.